.....and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3

Sometimes, I look at my life, and as I definately relate to the verse above that the ashes in my life, have been replaced by His beauty, I think of this ancient mythological bird the Pheonix.......

This beautiful scarlet and golden Phoenix bird is represents recovery, especially after calamity. It originates from the traditions of ancient Phoenicia, yet is seen in greek mythology, and even traced in the Bible......

(Psalm 92:12 and Job 29:18)

The bird traditionally lives near a cool well which it visits each morning to bathe and sing. It is a stunningly beautiful bird with an entrancing song. When the Phoenix reaches the end of its life, it’s said to build itself a nest of aromatic spices such as cinnamon and myrrh. It then sets the nest and itself on fire and is burned to ashes. Shortly, the Phoenix rises again and begins its life anew.

This song says it all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdZJB_6U1aI

My Tattoo. It is looking better each day.

I am trying to take very very good care of it.

The letters that I shared yesterday, I keep in my Bible, and frequently pull out to re-read. I don't want to dwell on the sad little girl I was at age 9 and who has been a part of me for so long. I want to remember her, so that I can truly rejoice in the new creation God has begun in me. He has brought that little girl and my now woman together to his new beautiful Mighty Princess Warrior. It is only by His grace that I am free from so many of the strongholds that were set up in me for so long. Now, there are still stones that try to sneak in my garden. Some are hurled in my garden so fast, I can't even see strait and I have to dig it up and throw it out again......that really frustrates me and makes me mad by the way! I still go to counseling, I still have to read that letter from God.....and be reminded of he He sees me. I have drank in the chapters in the book of Isaiah and been so loved on.

Recently.....and I mean recently...like a few days ago....I was in so much pain and despair over some of my "still issues in my heart" and over current situations going on in my life...that I actually entertained for an evening, what would it be like to just be gone....to just end it. Kinda like a George Bailey moment from Its a Wonderful Life. Oh the enemy was really getting me good.....I immediately texted my prayer warrior friend and told her and I know her prayers immediately took affect....cuz it wasn't but 10 minutes later and I all of a sudden snapped out of it.......I distinctly remember saying, "God, I have not remembered who you have called me! I have not remembered what you have said about me! I have not embraced my new name! Help me remember!" I don't ever want to forget that I am a Mighty Woman.....I am His Precious Princess...and I am a Warrior....and Over comer! I will cast these stones out again....I will live like a Princess.....It was that moment that I knew....I would tattoo this on me. I had been thinking for years about a tattoo. I just knew when I got one, it would symbolize something and be meaningful to me. That there would be a story behind it. Well, I know have my story to share....my tattoo to remind me every day, multiple times a day of who I truly am. I am His Mighty Princess Warrior.....

My New Name......Revealed

After my resting......I knew there was work to do. Little did I know, the biggest blessing of all was on the way. You see, my councelor had given me an assignment...and to do it, I needed clarity, quiet, stillness, and rest. I now had all these things. I had no idea what this assignment would look like, but I had the tools now and the Lord! I prayed and prayed and asked for guidance. I didn't want this to be a pity party. Only truth. My councelor had assigned me to write a letter as my 9 year old girl self to the me today......and then for me today to write her back. I now knew what that little girl would say to me today, and through prayer, my response was divine.....

I share this, not for any pity, or anyone to feel sorry or angry.....only to show you my story...peices of it...and how the Lord does take ashes and make them beautiful......So, here is the letter from the little girl, at 9....whose fire and sparkle began to slowly burn out.....

Dear Shelli,

someday, I will be a grown up and I will be you. I wonder what my life will look like. I have dreams and I hope I have babies. I hope I am on actress and singer. I love to sing and dance, although my mommy says I am not good at it and laughs at me for being clumsy. Sometimes, I think I want to be a missionary too, cuz I do love Jesus. When I play with my friends, we always play rescue. It seems like My friend is always strong and the one rescuing me...in distress, but that is okay. I like it. One day, maybe I will truly be rescued. Rescued from this place where I feel unloved. Whisked away like a princess on a horse with my prince. Will I be pretty? I feel ugly. I have scabs on my legs all the time and the boys at school call me scab legs, and they call me smelly too. I Wonder if they know I still wet the bed? I cant help it. I feel ashamed and I don't like to lie, but mommy punishes me when I do. I love to do my hair and experiment with different styles. Maybe I will be a hair dresser. Will I have friends? I am so lonely cuz we just moved and I have no friends. No one likes me, my teacher is mean. I'm not a very good girl....they must all know that I am bad. I am chubby too. At least mommy says I am. She says we have to shop at the chubby jeans section at Sears. My sister is soooo skinny and so is mommy. I hope I am skinny someday. I try to diet, but its so hard. I always quit. I don't really know what I will be or where, but I just can't wait to grow up. Then I will be happy wont I? I will be big.. I am sad alot. Maybe that is why I don't have friends. I had friends in Tampa....I miss Susan so much. I can't believe we had to move. I hate it here. Someday, I will go back to see her. All my sister does is tattle and she always gets her way. I know its bad, but I really think I hate her sometimes. I'm bad for that. I am happiest when I am at church, cuz I love miss Sharon and Mr. Steve. I have some friends there, but I am always scared I'm gonna go the the devil, cause I am bad. All I know is people like it when I am happy so I will be happy. It makes mommy and daddy mad when I get sad, they make fun of me and laugh or tell me to quit being sad. So I Will be happy even when I am not, that will make them happy.....Mommy will be happy. She is so funny and she is my best friend. I really love here. So I hope when I grow up, I am happy, skinny and funny like my mommy....

Love,

Shelli (9 years old)

After I read this letter, I prayed, and this is the letter I wrote her back.....and as I reflect on it and the painful journey I am on in my current situation now.....I realize, God used my words, to write me a letter.....see if you can find my new name!

Dear Shelli,

Oh dear sweet child, you are such a beautiful and precious girl. Your eyes sparkle and shine when you are truly happy and you light up every room when you enter it. Oh sweet angel girl, you have no idea the gift you are. You are carefree, spirited, spunky, creative, and cute. You are funny too by the things you say and you make others laugh for joy. You're destined for greatness little one! Believe it. God smiles at his creation in you and you will be great because of Jesus in you. Dear one, Satan has trampled on your young and tender heart. You have no idea how marvelous and wonderful and lovely you are because the lies are so loud. Sweet girl, I wish I could erase your pain, loneliness, insecurities, and sadness, but I cannot. You want to please so bad...to feel love and acceptance. Dear girl, this I know about you....You are STRONG, your spirit may be bruised, but it will not break. You don't know it yet, but you are a warrior princess. You wont need rescuing because you will be mighty for the Lord. you will survive and be strong, until the day you realize that to be a Mighty Warrior Princess, you will need to be weak and then be built up strong, for your dependence ant be on your pretending any more. You pretend to be happy and try to be funny to please others and you want God to be happy too. Dear one, God is soooo happy with you now and he is not punishing you. I know you think you never get what you want and God will never come through for you. I promise you some day, you will see that is not true..God loves you. So do your parents. They have hurts in their hearts too and it makes it hard for them to show you they love you. Believe me, they love you. God loves you now...not because of any performance you put on...despite all that....he loves you darling girl. I know your lonely and sad...I wish I could wrap you up in my arms and hug you. I want you to know, you are not chubby, your are not skinny...you are you and it how God make you. He created you and the Bible says his creation is so GOOD not BAD...you are his precious and treasured possession and so girl, keep singing your heart out and keep on writing, and keep riding your bike....One day soon you will be a mighty princess warrior that will help rescue other hurting people. Your fire, spunk, and sweetness will be a magnet that draws people to you. You will be great. If there is one more thing I can tell you is that the Bible says your are loved with an everlasting love, so remember that when you get down...Jesus is always near you. I cannot wait to meet you on the other side of your pain...

Love,

Shelli (40 years 0ld)

My new name......Part 2

The Lord revealed to me, through my journaling, stones the Enemy had thrown into my garden a young age. The enemy loves to take a circumstance and begin to spin it, and throw accusations, belief systems, and lies. Then you grow up believing them. This is no fault of my family. I have come to learn that children will grow up with holes in their hearts, that only God can fill. In the healthiest and greatest of environments, children have wounds. I had to get to the wounds, and re-visit down deep in my core certain situations, so then and only then, God could lovingly reveal the lies set up in my heart, and then replace them with HIS truths. And that is what happened. These lies were my stones. I won't go into all of the lies.....that is for me and the Lord....as I still at times get a stone re-visit me.......however.....I will reveal to you a few and the truths He showed me....A Huge stone of Punishment, or a punishing spirit was in my garden, as well as insecurity. There were about 8 of them.

Once I realized my stones....and how they had affected me and shaped my thoughts and ways of doing life....I sought out the truth. What is it that God said about me. You see, I can't fight the lies without the truth. It was amazing to see what God revealed to me. I know this may sound crazy. I then went on a stone hunt. I sought out the perfect stones to physically symbolize my spiritual stones. They had to be just right! Some small..... One stone, I knew was huge....it would have to be perfect! On my walk, I did find it. It was mostly buried underneath the earth. I had to dig it out. Then heave it up and carry it to the edge of the cliff I was planning on hurling them off of. You see, I collected all my stones. Gathered them together for my "Stone Throwing Ceremony" and had my new truths to say goodbye to the lies....forever....Well, wishful thinking there. The Enemy, well, he likes to try to sneak them back into my garden now and then. Sometimes, when I am tired, he does manage to get one or two back in. I still struggle with Insecurity......and lets be honest......many women do.

I picked up each stone, proclaimed it out loud that it would no longer have power over me, and then I hurled it with all of my might off the cliff into the deep valley below! Then I proclaimed God's truths over me!!!! As for the Punishing spirit....well, all my life, I believed if I was "bad" and (what the heck is bad anyway....according to the world's eyes or my own false sense of good and bad set up by legalism) that God would punish me. I learned from Isaiah that: God is NOT angry with me, my sins ARE forgiven! He is NOT punishing me. Is 54:9-10 "For this is like the days of Noah to Me, when I swore that the waters of Noah would not flood the earth again; so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you Nor will I rebuke you. For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but my loving kindness will not be removed from you and my covenant of peace will not be shaken," says the Lord who has compassion on you.

He is a loving God and wants to bless me and love on me. Stone by stone, I hurled them off the cliff. The last stone, which will remain unnamed.......for now.....I went to get, and lo and behold if I wasn't sittin on it! Very appropriate, since it seemed this stone had been a system camped out in the deep recesses of my heart for a very long time. By the grace of God, I will not have to hurl it again.....because it was HEAVY. I bet 40 pounds. I picked that stone up, and heaved it over my head and I let out a battle cry as I threw it down into the valley. I felt like Brave Heart giving my battle cry.....a warrior saying NO MORE!!!!!

Again, exhausted from the activity....I needed rest. I went and laid in this hammock under a comfy quilt with my tunes for hours......I slept some, under the fresh air and the rustling of the leaves I felt so much peace. Even though I was alone.....I didn't feel lonely. Maybe that is because I really wasn't alone at all....I had my heavenly Father with me and that was the best.

I knew that more work was coming. For now, I was resting in Him. Stay tuned for the finale.....

comfort for today

Isaiah 62

¹FOR ZION'S sake will I [Isaiah] not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem's sake I will not rest until her imputed righteousness and vindication go forth as brightness, and her salvation radiates as does a burning torch.

²And the nations shall see your righteousness and vindication [your rightness and justice--not your own, but His ascribed to you], and all kings shall behold your salvation and glory; and you shall be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord shall name.

³You shall also be [so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as] a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem [exceedingly beautiful] in the hand of your God.

⁴You [Judah] shall no more be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land be called Desolate any more. But you shall be called Hephzibah [My delight is in her], and your land be called Beulah [married]; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married [owned and protected by the Lord].

⁵For as a young man marries a virgin [O Jerusalem], so shall your sons marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

⁶I have set watchmen upon your walls, O Jerusalem, who will never hold their peace day or night; you who [are His servants and by your prayers] put the Lord in remembrance [of His promises], keep not silence,

⁷And give Him no rest until He establishes Jerusalem and makes her a praise in the earth.

⁸The Lord has sworn by His right hand and by His mighty arm: Surely I will not again give your grain as food for your enemies, and [the invading sons of] aliens shall not drink your new wine for which you have toiled;

⁹But they who have gathered it shall eat it and praise the Lord, and they who have brought in the vintage shall drink it [at the feasts celebrated] in the courts of My sanctuary (the temple of My holiness).

¹⁰Go through, go through the gates! Prepare the way for the people. Cast up, cast up the highway! Gather out the stones. Lift up a standard or ensign over and for the peoples.

¹¹Behold, the Lord has proclaimed to the end of the earth: Say to the Daughter of Zion, Behold, your salvation comes [in the person of the Lord]; behold, His reward is with Him, and His work and recompense before Him.^{B)" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; "}

¹²And they shall call them the Holy People, the Redeemed of the Lord; and you shall be called Sought Out, a City Not Forsaken.

The Day I got my new name...Part 1

This was the view from my back porch, overlooking a beautiful valley.

Back in September, I went on a trip alone. I needed time away by myself for prayer and meditation. Just to get quiet and still....and to see what the Lord would show me, if anything. The one thing I really was hoping for was a new name. See, in the Bible, God gives new names to his people. Not all of them, but He did give new names to people like Abraham, Paul, Jacob, and those are three I can think of at the moment. There is a praise and worship song I have sung that speaks of God taking my pain, and giving me a new name. The one thing I was requesting from him that weekend was to give me a new name.....a name that would I would know for sure was from him that would symbolize my journey and redemption. That name he did give me. I am not going to tell you my new name now. I will later.

I will tell you my weekend ended in such an amazing way, with a letter he wrote me. If anyone has not read THE SHACK, you may not know what I am talking about. I highly recommend this book. The author is William P Young and it is amazing! In the book, This main character gets a letter from God.... and his journey begins. His journey from his pain to healing.

I know that sounds weird to hear that I have received several letters from God. I have actually journaled this before in past blogs...He speaks to me through creative writing....usually my own spirit led writing to others, or in this case, a letter my counselor had assigned me to write to myself as a child. But the letter didn't come right away....it was actually at the end of my weekend. Over the weekend, I spent time in prayer, meditation, worship, and rest all outdoors. I did a lot of journaling too. Not once did I turn on the tv, and the computer stayed at home. I wanted NO DISTRACTIONS from the work I had set out to do. That may sound super boring to some. To some it may seem Crazy! Like how can anyone spend that much time alone!!!! Oh, I relished it! The outdoors is the place I experience God the most...pair it with my favorite songs and I am golden!!!! I even went out to eat alone to a fancy white tablecloth place. Ordered my salad, entre, and dessert! Yes, I got stares, but I didn't care. This was my weekend with God.

When I began to do my work, I knew I had to ask the Lord to show me stones that were in my garden. My garden needed cleaning out and the Enemy had thrown lots of stones in it. Stones that hindered me from knowing the truth about me.....the truth about who God said that I was, not the world, or the enemies hurling accusations of me. The process of uncovering those stones was intense.....4 hours of writing and discovering.... I asked the Lord, and He revealed!

Many Many painful stones.............I was exhausted!!!! I needed a break, so I took one. I went out to my rock.....the place I sat that overlooked the beautiful valley below my feet.

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins

and restore the places long devastated;

they will renew the ruined cities

that have been devastated for generations.

Strangers will shepherd your flocks;

foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.

And you will be called priests of the LORD,

you will be named ministers of our God.

You will feed on the wealth of nations,

and in their riches you will boast.

Instead of your shame

you will receive a double portion,

and instead of disgrace

you will rejoice in your inheritance.

And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,

and everlasting joy will be yours.

“For I, the LORD, love justice;

I hate robbery and wrongdoing.

In my faithfulness I will reward my people

and make an everlasting covenant with them.

Their descendants will be known among the nations

and their offspring among the peoples.

All who see them will acknowledge

that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”

I delight greatly in the LORD;

my soul rejoices in my God.

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation

and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

For as the soil makes the sprout come up

and a garden causes seeds to grow,

so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness

and praise spring up before all nations.

insecurity

I am participating in a book study with a small group of woman in my Max Business. The book is Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity.......

Wow, after the first week....I felt like jumping off a bridge.....I didn't really realize that I struggle with it like I thought I did. What the first two chapters left me feeling was hopeless. "I am screwed," I thought. I will never lick this!!!! The one comfort brought to me was that Beth stated in her book, that nearly 80% of women struggle with insecurity in some way. Heck, even she does!!!! Okay, so maybe I am not that bad off! But, I wanna lick it. Here are some statements made, that attached themselves to my heart and would not let go. In fact, I think that the only way they will detach, is from the gentle, careful, and loving great physician himself. He's gonna have to do some tedious surgery on this gal because it all began with systems set up in me as a child. NO I DON'T blame my parents for my issues. Every child grows up with holes in their heart that only the Lord will be able to fill...I know that now.....I hold no one in condemnation of my issues and my work........

I am on Chapter Three now, but some things that moved me to .......... well tears.........that helped diagnose this gal are:

"She is driven to the ridiculous by her chronic need for affirmation"

I have sooooo acted ridiculous!!!!

"Most of us have what I'll call a prominent false positive: one thing that we think would make us more secure in all things. You want to know how you can pinpoint your own prominent false positive? The thinking you tend to associate most with security..........."(being thin.......words of affirmation are mine)

I need lots of positive reinforcement! Didn't realize it til recently. I always thought I didn't...but in my business.....I have learned that I thrive on it!!!! "Shelli is our superstar!" and It drives me to work harder.....In working out....I love to hear my trainer say, "GOOD, SHELLI!!!!" When my BFF tells me, "You are an amazing mom, Shelli" I beam.

What I learned is that while affirmation is a good thing.....I shouldn't place my own security in it! It is a false positive......A big one. What I know for sure is that my Heavenly Father thinks I am a superstar, amazing mom, a hard worker, and more....yet, when I fail, he still ADORES me. He loves me no matter! The book of Isaiah is packed full of what my Daddy thinks of me and I need to soak in that!

"If you happen to be thinking that the average looks are the problem, they're not....an injured soul is the problem"

Wow! So True. My obsession with being thin....well has been a part of me well, since I can remember....I think 11 yrs old was when it really began to take root. This is the same age as my sweet Lily!!!!! I am breaking that off people! That Generational Curse will not attach itself to her! The interesting thing is that that little slice of insecurity has lain dormant for a bit...because I am actually pretty pleased with how I look right now. I like my weight, and my size. So I must be secure. Nope....it just means that I am falsely secure. What happens if I gain a few pounds?????? Will my sense of security spiral down into a dark chocolate and dorito-fest? So, while I am content now, I pray the Lord continues to SEAL my heart with the truths that he reveals to me in his words. I know the root. I have begun my work to where this insecurity originates.

What is your work? What is your false positive? The two I have shared (and there are more....I would be a liar if I said otherwise), are ones I know I have carried for a long long time. I know Jesus tells me His yoke is easy and his burden is light. I want Him to carry this for me. I can't do it. It will kill me eventually.

Go out and purchase this book. Its so good. I will be blogging more on it as I continue in my study. I would love to hear your thoughts too!!!!!

New Wings

I sit down now and feel this need to write.....but not quite sure what to say.......but an urge to express myself. I have said before, how music moves me. More than any other artistic expression, music moves me..........all kinds of music.

In the journey I have been on lately, I have not blogged much. Lots of pain. I have experienced so much goodness too. I have to remember that pure gold has to go through the refiners fire first before its beauty and splendor is revealed. Its impurities and yuckiness has to be purged out. In my journey, much of my own ugliness has been revealed to me. I don't like it. But God has been merciful, and gentle and never stopped showing me his love of me. He does these for me through his word, his people, and through music. This song is by Kimberly and Alberto Rivera.....it is so beautiful. The album is called Captured. The lyrics are beautiful and her voice is angelic! Go to ITUNES and check it out. This is what I am living by now......He is giving my new wings.....

I found a beautiful necklace too. It is silver....pure silver, refined...not gold. On the chain is a pair of wings, shaped into a heart. It is beautiful, and meaningful...and I wear it everyday. It symbolizes my new wings He is giving me.

WINGS

nothings gonna hold me back

I m gonna fly so high

nothings gonna hold me back

Im gonna fly so high

I saw that when some of you took from the Lord your new wings

you had this look on your face

you said, yeah these are the new but I still have the memory of how it felt when I flapped my broken wings

and I saw this fear in your eyes

what will it feel like to flap my new wings?

Will I still have the pain?

Will I still remember?

Then I saw the Lord, look into your eyes and they penetrated...and he said

the pain shall cease

even the memory shall be released, even the memory of the pain, I shall take apart myself

for I will not give you a new thing that will cause you pain

I will not give you a new thing that will cause you pain

so don't be afraid to fly

dont be afraid to fly.......

For everything I give is good

you will fly in my goodness, fly in my love, safely under my wings

you will fly in my faithfulness, fly in my comfort, fly in my mercy

stay close to me.........fly with me..........stay close to me.........don't ever go away.........

HEEL!

More lessons from my dog...............

So, I am starting to like my dog now. My kids laugh at me, cuz a few weeks ago, I thought he was the devil's spawn. I called the trainer the doggie exorcist.....

After two sessions, the trainer couldn't get the dog to go in his crate either....which was causing major back problems for me! I remember him saying, "hmmmm, I am gonna have to give this some thought!" Yep, haven't seen him since. Kinda funny. He's probly sittin in the fetal position in a corner just rocking back and forth, crying, "crate....crate......" Yeah, but its okay.

I decided to choose my battles and save my back. He is obeying so well, and I have definitely established myself as the ALPHA in the house. My kids laugh at the transformation and now how good of friends me and the dog are. Yesterday, Lily called the Dog to follow her up the stairs and he adores Lily. But, he just came straight to me at the reading chair I was in and sat at my feet. "You know who loves you don't you boy," I cooed. My daughter looked at me like I had officially lost my mind. I can now officially call him by name, because we are now in good relational terms. His name is Samson...

Neat little parallel there.....about my name and who God calls me. I will save that for later.

The neat thing today, was that on our walk, I realized something. Samson is Heeling perfectly. He knows when I turn and turns in the flow with me without missing a beat. He stays with me, and if he does get a little ahead of me, I gently jerk the leash and make a noise he knows, and he falls back in line. I don't have to yell or pull or tug. IT IS MARVELOUS!!!!!

I began to reflect about how this parallels me and God. I mean, when I first worked with the dog on this heel thing....he tugged, and didn't understand, and he had to be jerked a lot....and I had to make that "sound" a lot. Now, as he knows me, and I know him, he falls right in line....and we walk together. I am not walking him or he walking me...but side by side. A few times, he got tired, cuz I wore his hiney out today...and I just encouraged him and gently tugged the leash and he fell right back in line with me. When he saw another dog, he did not tug to get free...he just kept on walking in step with me. I think it is a beautiful picture of my walk with God. He and I are right in line. We are in relationship and as I press in for more relationship with Him.....there isn't as much struggle to get my way, or fear of going a certain direction. When "he turns" I turn too in a natural way. When I get tired or weary from the journey I am on.....He gently encourages me in a gentle way. He is never harsh with me. I have never heard Him use a harsh or yelly kinda voice with me. Always gentle and low. Always in an encouraging way too. Me and God, well, we are great friends. There is no struggle, no mistrust....its real good...

He has given me a new name too. That is for a different blog at a different time. I got that this weekend......

The Dog that I was......

Well, however you wanna say it...."i am all shook up" "i am burning up" or literally, "I am a wreck" I tend to write like I talk, so who knows exactly how this will come out. I am just letting my fingers do the typing. The Lord has been so good to me and is revealing more than these fingers can type.....at least for now....more to come.....

To say that I have had a special touch from the Lord recently is a huge understatement. He has been so loving and gentle with me in my current life situation and ..... oh yeah, patient. I feel like I have been given an amazing gift! My love and adoration of Him taken to knew heights, but I know His love and adoration of me is AMAZING too! So when I say, I am a wreck, I mean it. I am head over heels in love with my Lord and it has me in quite a condition right now.

NOW................................

Some may know that my dog is causing a great deal of stress in my life right now. He doesn't obey, he makes me drag him to the crate......and I hurt my back every time it is bedtime. I had to break down and hire the doggie llama this week. I am sure I will be writing on it, cuz i am finding major parallels in my relationship with the dog to my walk with the lord...(is there a country music song in there somewhere?)

For instance, this morning, before the DL (doggie llama) came, I was inviting Samson into the house and he wouldn't come. He just wants to sit on the back porch waiting for the kids to get home from school....I enticed him in and even offered him a treat. I held it out and said, "wanna treat?" and he just stared at me...hesitant. Like he wanted it, but did this mean that I was gonna make him do something he didn't want to do? "Common, boy, its good," I coaxed. He inched a little closer, still hesitant...I knew he wanted it. Then, as I took a step to him, he darted the other direction. Like I was gonna try to lead him to his crate. So, I just ended up throwing it on the floor for him to come get and pick up on his own. I was really trying to love on him and be his friend. But, he didn't trust me....He still got the treat....but not the lovin' on.

Immediately, it caused me to reflect into my own life.

I am the dog, I thought. I know God has good things to show me, and good things to give me. He wants me to have them. He loves me. Sometimes, I am afraid because, If I surrender or take them, he is gonna make me do something I don't wanna do. It is a lie I have been believing for way too long. That lie has kept me from experiencing the fullness of the Lord for way too long. I saw myself in my dog today and actually felt sad. I saw me wanting the "treat" and hesitating for fear of being led to something I didn't want. When really, all God wants (and all I wanted) is to love on me, and enjoy me.....God telling me, "common girl, its good....." I have seen myself run the other direction when I know God is drawing near.....for fear. It is quite sad. Now, before you think, "oh poor Shelli, she is living in this torment...." No that ain't true either. This story is a picture of my old life. Sometimes, I still can get the treat....but not all the lovin' on He wants to give me.......

I have been touched by my Father, I know what he has for me is good. I know that He adores me. I have tasted his goodness in my life. I trust him completely. The picture I got this morning, it revealed the "old Shelli" and just solidified my relationship with Him. It makes me want to share with all of you how great it can be when we surrender to Him. When we just truly rest in Him. Believe that He is a good God, not a punishing one.

He wants to bless us (with treats) cuz that is just how good he is.....but he really wants to love on us too. We are his children!

New Car Adventure

Those of you who TRULY know me, and or have spent a significant amount of time with me, will totally get a kick out of this story. It is a CLASSIC Shelli story. Those of you who don't know me well.....this will give you a glimpse of the the "blonde" me that is just part of my charm....

Well, I got a new car last weekend...or a new SUV. I simply LOVE my new car. I am so proud of it, but kinda the Nazi mom right now with my kids. To Tripp (my 9 year old) I say things like, "if you spill that slushie in my car, I will kill you" I say in all LOVE!

Well, tonight, after football practice, I am anxious to get the kids home...Tripp has to eat, shower, and be in bed in 30 minutes. Lily has to do the same...but since she is older, she does get to watch America's got talent before bed.....but EVERYONE HAS TO BE IN BED BY 8:45 CUZ MOMMA'S GOT A 9:00 CONFERENCE CALL..... Funny how their prayers go a little extra long on this night, and how they want me to scratch their backs a little extra long too...and give a little more hugs and kisses. Well so what if I am on the call a few minutes late...my kids come first.

Anyway, back to the story. So I am anxious to get home and begin to crank up the engine, turn the key in the ignition...and .....Nothing! The car won't start....CRAP! They gave me a bum battery! I am thinkin....I mean, I did buy a used car afterall. I get out of the car to go try to get some help from a coach and no sooner have I gotten about 10 feet away, I hear Lily screamin, "momma! momma!" I turn to find the car rolling backwards on a downward sloping hill and she is in the front seat.....I sprint to the door...and as I am scramblin to get to the emergency brake before the car hits the wire fence....she is clawing all over me to get out of the car! I mean, I feel like I am wrestling a bear! Now what I yell at her isn't very nice while I am slammin on the break...it starts with a dammit and ends with a Lily exclamation point! I know, it was wrong...she was devestated that I said that to her...and I was sad too...I just reacted....since she was clawing her way out of the car for her life while I am clawing my way into the car to put on the break! I had to apologize and ask for forgiveness on that one.

So the story doesn't end here.....Once we regain our composure, say our sorries and I forgives, I start up the car....Cuz....you see, I figured out that battery hadn't died at all.....The car had been in neutral when I tried to start it! So it wouldn't start....Not sure how that happened.

Well we get going, but when I put on the gas.....I aint goin nowhere. Well the ground was soft from the rain that day! I'll be darned...I was stuck! So, I got out to go get Tripp's coaches...all three of em....two of them are behind my vehicle to push it while the other is in my vehicle to put on the gas. Guess what? I wasn't stuck at all....We realized that the emergency brake was still on...and my car is so new, I don't even know how to release it!!!!! Boy did I feel like a dumb blonde.

Its a great story...and one I can easily laugh at...but as I was telling my "funny" story to a friend on the phone driving home, Lily emphatically exclaims, "it isn't funny!" My poor girl is still shaking from thinking she was gonna die from the car rolling backwards. I guess it is time for me to teach her how to put on the emergency break....I need to teach her to laugh more too I think.

Life is full of these bumps and hiccups....these mishaps. The quicker we can shake off and laugh at ourselves and the less serious we take ourselves, I think the more we will enjoy life altogether. Stop being so serious.....geeeez!

I hope you enjoyed hearing this story. If you are a good friend from the past or present...you will especially appreciate it and get a great visual picture of the entire thing going down....

Love and Peace,

Shelli

hold it up to the light

Many of you know how much I love music. I think I have even blogged about it. I love music with powerful lyrics, music with a great beat, acoustic music, and silly music. I love a song that resonates with my soul..... to listen to the lyrics and try to figure out what was going on in the life of that songwriter when they wrote it. It is just a weird thing I guess. You will either get it or not.....

I have loved David Wilcox's music since I was introduced to it and to him for that matter back in 1994. My sweet friend Jere took me to a private acoustic performance, and then to a club to hear him live. I still have the CD he signed for me...Big Horizon. His music is real, and authentic, and there is no BS. His lyrics are sometimes serious and poignant, and other times, just silly and ironically hilarious....like the song, "Blow em away" (on my playlist to the right...careful..there is a naughty word or two)

The songbelow has really resonated with me lately. It is called Hold it up to the Light. (also to the right on my playlist)

When we make the difficult choices in life, how are we holding them up? I choose to hold mine up to the light....then make it... and if anyone disagrees with it, that is okay with me. The people pleaser in me is forever gone.....If I can live with my choices, then shouldn't my friends be able to live with them too? I know my true friends will always stand by me, no matter what. And there may not be as many true friends in my life as I thought there were....I know that it is gonna be okay. I am thankful for the true blues.

Hold it up to the Light!

It's the choice of a lifetime - I'm almost sure
I will not live my life in between anymore
If I can't be certain of all that's in store
This far it feels so right
I will hold it up - hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

The search for my future has brought me here
This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
That the choice I was made for will someday appear
And I'll be too late for that flight
So hold it up - hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

It's too late - to be stopped at the crossroads
Each life here - a possible way
But wait - and they all will be lost roads
Each road's getting shorter the longer I stay

Now as soon as I'm moving - my choice is good
This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
Somehow all of the signs are in sight
If I hold it up to the light

I said God, will you bless this decision?
I'm scared, Is my life at stake?
But I see if you gave me a vision
Would I never have reason to use my faith?

I was dead with deciding - afraid to choose
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
And trust that the timing is right
Yes and hold it up hold it up to the light
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

A project I am working on....

I was going through my closet the other day....and I came across some old pictures. My curiosity peaked, I began to meditate on them.

My curiosity came from a conversation going back and forth on my face book page between my mother and my proxy mom. Reflections of the little girl Shelli, singing and entertaining the family. They were going on and on about the young sparkly Shelli. I asked for pictures of this girl. Hopefully, some of them are coming soon. I did go into my closet and find some old ones.

As I meditated and pondered this girl, teenager, woman, I gave myself an assignment. I began to put some chosen few on a timeline and write about that girl and the events going on in her life that matched up with her soul....her eyes.....her smile. They are all connected. Our eyes are the windows to our soul....As I remember the cute, sparkly, joyful, and full of life Shelli, I realize that that girl went away for a very long time. It was so evident in the pictures, especially in my eyes. But, she is coming back. I welcome her back. I embrace the starry eyed, spunky girl that God created me to be.

Everyone experiences wounds and pain growing up. I guess mine just snuffed the life right out of me for many many years. I didn't even realize it it until I began to study the pictures. Its all in the eyes. I studied the eyes of me in joyful carefree times, and the events that were hard. I wept for the little girl who got lost. I rejoice that I have been reunited with her again! I am inspired. In fact, recently, I was out dancing with some of my best friends, and one of them said, "we have unleashed the beast" My little girl joy was back. She's back, and not going away. In recent pictures of these times, you can see it in my eyes. The "pretending" is over.

The road I am presently traveling on this journey is precious. I will never forget it, even in the pain. I always and I mean ALWAYS felt like someday I would write my story and be able to help others through their difficult times. But the words never came as I sat with pen and paper. I never knew where to begin. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't time yet. The other thing is that I am really not trained to write. I just usually write like I talk.....but stories can be told in pictures too. Lately, I am fascinated with pictures....mainly the eyes...the windows.

Maybe I need to tell "a" story, maybe not necessarily "MY" entire story.....I am inspired to start this project. Everyone has their personal story of pain, and victory. Our pain, celebration, and healing is all unique. I want to weave our stories in and out of a tapestry of God's goodness and love through it. Isn't that what we are all encouraged to do? Help each other?

So in my project, I need help....I need pictures. Lots and Lots of pictures. I am calling upon my friends to send them to me. I would love anything. Anonymous or not doesn't matter. I would love pictures with the close-ups on the eyes. I want smiles and pain. I would love a paragraph or a few sentences about the time in the life of the picture. This project was just laid on my heart yesterday, and I am so excited about what kind of life this will take. I can't wait to see what God will do with it. Until I receive pictures, I will start with my own pictures of me, and my kids, and family members I already have. I know this promises to be a great journey.....If you would like to contribute to it, feel free to email me or mail me your picture or picture with a short paragraph or sentence or two.

My address is Shelli Norvell at 1019 Dunrobin Dr. Franklin, TN 37067

I will tell a story, and I will tell it through pictures...and some words, and some music. It will be a story of God's redemption....love and goodness.

Thanks so much

Love,

Shelli

Adventures in Sevierville, TN

Well,

I have taken the kids (my two plus their friends) on a mini vacation. We left at 7 am this morning to go towards Knoxville to the Wilderness Lodge that has the indoor and outdoor water park. I SOOOOO have needed a getaway....I have worked hard these last few weeks in my business...and while it is very rewarding to work hard at something I love and believe in, it is very rewarding to have fun away from it. So me and 4 kids are off to the water parks. I call it Redneck Central, cuz everyone here has at LEAST 1 tattoo and they aren't little discreet ones. These here tats, they are freakin murals painted across arms, backs, legs, and whatnot. And I always feel skinny, cuz most of the women-folk here in their bikinis, really shouldn't be. I love to people watch and I have gotten quite a chuckle or two here watching these people play. It was a blast today. At first, I let them play and have fun at first while I sipped on my margarita, read, texted....

But I had a blast riding the slides with them, and racing my son down the lazy river....and winning all times......Not a very fair race though....After all, I do have very strong legs after 6 months of boot camp! There is nothing like the joy in the eyes of your children when you play with them. I drank it in and relished every moment of it. Studying their eyes, and facial expressions of joy. I am fascinated with that right now. Eyes are windows to what you feel in your heart. Their hearts and mine were full of joy today.....

Then the snafoos began happening. By the time we got back to our room, and all 5 of us changed, showered (one bathroom), and were ready to walk out the door for dinner, we were starving! We realized, Jaxson (Tripp's friend) had decided to play with the safe, and put his only pair of shoes in it....AFTER I told him to not put anything in the safe for the reason I am about to disclose. He locked his shoes in there and couldn't get them out. If my eyes are reflecting my heart about now, their aint much joy...because, I cannot take him to TGI Friday's barefoot! So we are waitin a whole 30 more minutes to get maintenance up here to get them out. No big deal. Dinner is a little delayed, but we made it work and moved on. I did give Jaxson a stern word about obeying my instructions next time.

Well, now listen to this....fiasco number two hits. As we are hunkerin down to watch a movie and have popped two bags of popcorn in the microwave, my Lily burns the third....BAD....I mean, like stink up the entire hotel floor bad. We are waving at the air with towels, pillows, and whatever else we can find....with the door open to the hall...Tripp's refusing to come in for the stink. Jaxson is dying and yelling, "I can't breathe and my eyes hurt...and I can't sleep in here!" My self-control kicks in and I maintain my positive nature, but man did I just wanna kill Lily. I mean, we had the window opened, the air blastin, and the kids in the hall refusing to come in cuz they can't breathe and their eyes are watering. All I am thinking is that I sure hope I don't get dinged for this smell in the room. Wonder what my heart looked like then! I finally coaxed them all in...wheezin and coughin, and tearing up. "just keep fanning the air!" I vigilantly say. "Its gettin better right?" I then ask...hoping and praying it does...

We settled in again, microwaved off limits...and are hunkered down for a movie now. But dear sweet Lord, I pray for once that bad things DONT happen in threes. Say a prayer for me if you think about it.

We are really having fun so don't get me wrong. I love this.

Peace out!

lies and truth

I had dinner with a very neat friend last night. This is a friend with amazing perception, insight and wisdom. I am blessed. It was one of those dinners that linger on and on and on. I love them! We sat down around 7ish and we didn't leave til 9:15 and that was to catch a movie....or I am sure we would have been there awhile more....I love that! As we talked and shared and laughed....many things struck me. First, I love that I can have a friend who can laugh about girl things.....things that to some may not seem "appropriate" for a Godly woman to discuss....I call that being REAL. We can in one breath laugh about silly things, and then jump in the deep and talk about God and what he is doing in our lives...AND encourage each other in a NON CONDEMNING or JUDGING way.....we can share our journey with each other. I so love that. I love that in one minute, you can be almost in tears about something serious, and then the next laughing about how cute the waiter is serving the next table. He was REALLY cute. I love girl time.

But as we were talking and sharing she encouraged me to blog something I said to her. I was sharing with her certain struggles I have faced in the past.....and my deep concern over a friend of ours who is in a deep struggle now.....and I said in reference to this friend, and to me in my past that "the lies are louder than the truth" It is true you know. Julia Roberts's character in the movie Pretty Woman said it this way, "It is easier to believe the bad stuff" Lies are louder than truth sometimes.......what do you think about that? Even when we know they are lies......they are louder.

Well, I guess what I want to say is to anyone who is struggling right now in something, and that is most of us, that first and foremost....your struggle is NOT because God is trying to teach you a "lesson" or a punishment or a consequence. Your Jesus loves you! Your Jesus is CRAZY about you. Whatever you are struggling with...it makes no difference. One struggle is no better or worse than another. God doesn't grade it...So, whether it is an addiction, thought life, financial, emotional, loss, whatever it is.....hold up your hand and let your Jesus pull you up to walk in freedom. There is no condemnation in Jesus. He isn't punishing you....or trying to teach you a lesson...Don't let anyone tell you differently either. That is a performance and works based religion. God is a God who showers over us with His grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. Receive it. He wants to freely give it to you...hold out your hand and receive it.

The battle comes when we want to take that help from him...we want to let him be our strong tower, and our fortress, and the enemy says, "Oh no, you are not good enough...you gotta clean it up....you are too messed up....you aren't worthy." I know these lies well. So here's the deal...we hear the lies....we know the Truth. The Truth is life...and the Truth gives life....the lies tear us apart.

Sometimes, the Truth is a soft whisper we may remember from a Bible verse or a sermon, or something we read from the Bible or devotional, something a friend told you....but the lies are louder. Lies are easier to believe. I have myself, been hearing a lot of lies lately. Lies of judgement, Lies of condemnation, Lies of fear, lies of rejection....and some of them from people who want to quote scripture behind it.....all in the name of "Christianity." Some of the givers of the lies are even people who love me and think they know what is best for me. Sound familiar?

Only you and God truly know what is best for you. BUT, if you are a "performer, or a people pleaser...." like I have been in the past and still struggle with at times...then you will listen and do what others think you should do. Tap into the Lord, in His word and hear His voice. It is Truth, and the more you hear it, the louder it will become and eventually, the lies will not be as loud.

So what is your Truth? Ask God. I am constantly reminding my daughter, "what does God say about that?" "What does God think you are?" It doesn't matter what others say or do. Go to the scriptures and find out what God says about you. That is the Truth. Just a few things I know that God says about us....God says we are redeemed, saved by grace, loved with an everlasting love, that we are the "apple of his eye", his joy, forgiven, we are made righteous and holy...we are navels (read my post on navels). Those are just a few that came to me now.

My journey has taught me so much about loving people. All I have been through in my life has given me the ability to feel great love and compassion for others no matter what their circumstances. That is the beauty from ashes I have received from my pain that is talked about in the book of Isaiah:

Isaiah 61:3
....and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. (see my blog on oak trees.....)

Wont you walk in freedom today? Please? Hold out your hands, reach up and let God pull you up. Hear the Truth....dispel the lies. Get out of the pit and get on the solid rock. Get some TRUTH speakers in your life. Get some people who truly LOVE you no matter what you are doing or in.....You don't have any? Call me.....I will love you, I will speak truth to you...I will help you find some other people to do that too. But right now go to read the Psalms. God is a big God, and He will rescue you when you ask. Reach out your hands....

He promises to : "make our way strait, make us glad in his refuge, surround us with favor as with a shield, be gracious with us, HEAL us, RESCUE us, sustain us, be our shelter, Lift us up from the gates of death, that we may tell of all His praises...he will strengthen your heart, he will vindicate the orphan the the oppressed...He restores our soul....he is your portion and your cup...your support, your lot...he will counsel you...he will not abandon you...he will make known to you the path of life....he will fill you with his joy....

There is way more he promises to do....that was just a smidgen.

My sweet girl...

I want you to know some of the awesome thinks I love about you! God thinks you are wonderful and marvelous and he loves you so much. I love you as much as a mommy can love her child, but no one else will ever love you more than that, I promise.
Sweetie you have such a beautiful and loving heart! I love your compassion for others. Wanting to help those who hurt. God will use you in mighty ways to bless others and show his love....Many people will learn about God when you shine his glory and love for others. I am so proud of you for that!
You have such a teachable heart. When you mess up. you are sorry and you try to not make that same mistake. God loves that! He loves a moldable heart and and a heart that loves him. I know you love God to pieces! I hear it in your prayers!
You have such a beautiful smile! and a beautiful spirit! When you smile, JOY just lights up the room! Your laugh is contagious! People around you cant help but have joy when you are around. God loves your cheerful heart!
God and Me love it when you show your gratitude. When you thank Him for things, he is soooo blessed and that blesses mommy too! I have seen you really work on that lately. I am so proud of you sweetie.
I love you my sweet girl. You are precious!

Love,

Mommy

the thing about this letter, is that I wrote this to Lily on a day when she was feeling down....and I wanted her to know how God thought of her....at the same time, I was feeling really low that day....and so, in a way, as I was writing this letter, God revealed to me that he was writing this letter to me. I call this my love letter from my Papa God.

I KNOW God loves me. I know there is no condemnation or guilt from HIM. HE is all I need. Many people in my life right now do not agree with some decisions I have made recently. That is okay with me. I know where I stand with my God....and I do not need the approval of anyone other than him

Watermark - The Purest Place

The Purest Place

by watermark

Love this song....listen to it on my playlist.

Paint me with Your purity
That I'd attract Your majesty
When others boast in fame and gold
The purest place is where I'll go

Chorus:
The purest place I will draw near
Do what it takes to keep me here
In the center of Your heart
The purest place is where You are

It's not with masses, not with kings
Not in these songs, or offerings
Not in this life, or what it brings
The purest place is You my King

Chorus

Bridge:
If there's such thing as too beautiful
If there's such things as too wonderful
If there's such thing as too marvelous
Jesus it's You, Jesus it's You

Chorus

It's You my King,
It's You my King
The purest place, is You my King

The Purest Place

The Purest Place

by watermark

Love this song....listen to it on my playlist.

Paint me with Your purity
That I'd attract Your majesty
When others boast in fame and gold
The purest place is where I'll go

Chorus:
The purest place I will draw near
Do what it takes to keep me here
In the center of Your heart
The purest place is where You are

It's not with masses, not with kings
Not in these songs, or offerings
Not in this life, or what it brings
The purest place is You my King

Chorus

Bridge:
If there's such thing as too beautiful
If there's such things as too wonderful
If there's such thing as too marvelous
Jesus it's You, Jesus it's You

Chorus

It's You my King,
It's You my King
The purest place, is You my King

Rain Rain Go Away

THIS RAIN IS KILLING ME! It is pretty all week, and then the weekend hits and it downpours! Last weekend it rained all weekend long too. Last weekend, while it poured, I took it upon myself to reorganize and clean my closet! Yeah, it did need it pretty bad. Lots of stuff to take to Good Will this week from that. This morning, I supposed it was as good a time as any to get into Tripp's room (the black hole) and clean it with his help. I told my family to send in the reinforcements if I wasnt back for a day or two! We cleaned and dusted, and got rid of old books, and old toys. He had tons of stuff....His closet now looks so much better! Not the most fun thing to do on a Saturday, but now he has a clean room, and I have a clean closet!

I guess I should now go find something else to clean or organize..........

Over and out for now................

Peace out