I share this, not for any pity, or anyone to feel sorry or angry.....only to show you my story...peices of it...and how the Lord does take ashes and make them beautiful......So, here is the letter from the little girl, at 9....whose fire and sparkle began to slowly burn out.....
Dear Shelli,
someday, I will be a grown up and I will be you. I wonder what my life will look like. I have dreams and I hope I have babies. I hope I am on actress and singer. I love to sing and dance, although my mommy says I am not good at it and laughs at me for being clumsy. Sometimes, I think I want to be a missionary too, cuz I do love Jesus. When I play with my friends, we always play rescue. It seems like My friend is always strong and the one rescuing me...in distress, but that is okay. I like it. One day, maybe I will truly be rescued. Rescued from this place where I feel unloved. Whisked away like a princess on a horse with my prince. Will I be pretty? I feel ugly. I have scabs on my legs all the time and the boys at school call me scab legs, and they call me smelly too. I Wonder if they know I still wet the bed? I cant help it. I feel ashamed and I don't like to lie, but mommy punishes me when I do. I love to do my hair and experiment with different styles. Maybe I will be a hair dresser. Will I have friends? I am so lonely cuz we just moved and I have no friends. No one likes me, my teacher is mean. I'm not a very good girl....they must all know that I am bad. I am chubby too. At least mommy says I am. She says we have to shop at the chubby jeans section at Sears. My sister is soooo skinny and so is mommy. I hope I am skinny someday. I try to diet, but its so hard. I always quit. I don't really know what I will be or where, but I just can't wait to grow up. Then I will be happy wont I? I will be big.. I am sad alot. Maybe that is why I don't have friends. I had friends in Tampa....I miss Susan so much. I can't believe we had to move. I hate it here. Someday, I will go back to see her. All my sister does is tattle and she always gets her way. I know its bad, but I really think I hate her sometimes. I'm bad for that. I am happiest when I am at church, cuz I love miss Sharon and Mr. Steve. I have some friends there, but I am always scared I'm gonna go the the devil, cause I am bad. All I know is people like it when I am happy so I will be happy. It makes mommy and daddy mad when I get sad, they make fun of me and laugh or tell me to quit being sad. So I Will be happy even when I am not, that will make them happy.....Mommy will be happy. She is so funny and she is my best friend. I really love here. So I hope when I grow up, I am happy, skinny and funny like my mommy....
Love,
Shelli (9 years old)
After I read this letter, I prayed, and this is the letter I wrote her back.....and as I reflect on it and the painful journey I am on in my current situation now.....I realize, God used my words, to write me a letter.....see if you can find my new name!
Dear Shelli,
Oh dear sweet child, you are such a beautiful and precious girl. Your eyes sparkle and shine when you are truly happy and you light up every room when you enter it. Oh sweet angel girl, you have no idea the gift you are. You are carefree, spirited, spunky, creative, and cute. You are funny too by the things you say and you make others laugh for joy. You're destined for greatness little one! Believe it. God smiles at his creation in you and you will be great because of Jesus in you. Dear one, Satan has trampled on your young and tender heart. You have no idea how marvelous and wonderful and lovely you are because the lies are so loud. Sweet girl, I wish I could erase your pain, loneliness, insecurities, and sadness, but I cannot. You want to please so bad...to feel love and acceptance. Dear girl, this I know about you....You are STRONG, your spirit may be bruised, but it will not break. You don't know it yet, but you are a warrior princess. You wont need rescuing because you will be mighty for the Lord. you will survive and be strong, until the day you realize that to be a Mighty Warrior Princess, you will need to be weak and then be built up strong, for your dependence ant be on your pretending any more. You pretend to be happy and try to be funny to please others and you want God to be happy too. Dear one, God is soooo happy with you now and he is not punishing you. I know you think you never get what you want and God will never come through for you. I promise you some day, you will see that is not true..God loves you. So do your parents. They have hurts in their hearts too and it makes it hard for them to show you they love you. Believe me, they love you. God loves you now...not because of any performance you put on...despite all that....he loves you darling girl. I know your lonely and sad...I wish I could wrap you up in my arms and hug you. I want you to know, you are not chubby, your are not skinny...you are you and it how God make you. He created you and the Bible says his creation is so GOOD not BAD...you are his precious and treasured possession and so girl, keep singing your heart out and keep on writing, and keep riding your bike....One day soon you will be a mighty princess warrior that will help rescue other hurting people. Your fire, spunk, and sweetness will be a magnet that draws people to you. You will be great. If there is one more thing I can tell you is that the Bible says your are loved with an everlasting love, so remember that when you get down...Jesus is always near you. I cannot wait to meet you on the other side of your pain...
Love,
Shelli (40 years 0ld)
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