Sunday, November 14, 2010

insecurity

I am participating in a book study with a small group of woman in my Max Business. The book is Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity.......

Wow, after the first week....I felt like jumping off a bridge.....I didn't really realize that I struggle with it like I thought I did. What the first two chapters left me feeling was hopeless. "I am screwed," I thought. I will never lick this!!!! The one comfort brought to me was that Beth stated in her book, that nearly 80% of women struggle with insecurity in some way. Heck, even she does!!!! Okay, so maybe I am not that bad off! But, I wanna lick it. Here are some statements made, that attached themselves to my heart and would not let go. In fact, I think that the only way they will detach, is from the gentle, careful, and loving great physician himself. He's gonna have to do some tedious surgery on this gal because it all began with systems set up in me as a child. NO I DON'T blame my parents for my issues. Every child grows up with holes in their heart that only the Lord will be able to fill...I know that now.....I hold no one in condemnation of my issues and my work........

I am on Chapter Three now, but some things that moved me to .......... well tears.........that helped diagnose this gal are:

"She is driven to the ridiculous by her chronic need for affirmation"
I have sooooo acted ridiculous!!!!

"Most of us have what I'll call a prominent false positive: one thing that we think would make us more secure in all things. You want to know how you can pinpoint your own prominent false positive? The thinking you tend to associate most with security..........."(being thin.......words of affirmation are mine)
I need lots of positive reinforcement! Didn't realize it til recently. I always thought I didn't...but in my business.....I have learned that I thrive on it!!!! "Shelli is our superstar!" and It drives me to work harder.....In working out....I love to hear my trainer say, "GOOD, SHELLI!!!!" When my BFF tells me, "You are an amazing mom, Shelli" I beam.
What I learned is that while affirmation is a good thing.....I shouldn't place my own security in it! It is a false positive......A big one. What I know for sure is that my Heavenly Father thinks I am a superstar, amazing mom, a hard worker, and more....yet, when I fail, he still ADORES me. He loves me no matter! The book of Isaiah is packed full of what my Daddy thinks of me and I need to soak in that!

"If you happen to be thinking that the average looks are the problem, they're not....an injured soul is the problem"

Wow! So True. My obsession with being thin....well has been a part of me well, since I can remember....I think 11 yrs old was when it really began to take root. This is the same age as my sweet Lily!!!!! I am breaking that off people! That Generational Curse will not attach itself to her! The interesting thing is that that little slice of insecurity has lain dormant for a bit...because I am actually pretty pleased with how I look right now. I like my weight, and my size. So I must be secure. Nope....it just means that I am falsely secure. What happens if I gain a few pounds?????? Will my sense of security spiral down into a dark chocolate and dorito-fest? So, while I am content now, I pray the Lord continues to SEAL my heart with the truths that he reveals to me in his words. I know the root. I have begun my work to where this insecurity originates.

What is your work? What is your false positive? The two I have shared (and there are more....I would be a liar if I said otherwise), are ones I know I have carried for a long long time. I know Jesus tells me His yoke is easy and his burden is light. I want Him to carry this for me. I can't do it. It will kill me eventually.

Go out and purchase this book. Its so good. I will be blogging more on it as I continue in my study. I would love to hear your thoughts too!!!!!






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