Is is okay for siblings to fight?

In our Sunday School Class, our teachers are teaching on "Raising Leaders" and our assignment was to discuss with our spouses and others how we felt about siblings fighting. Is it okay, is it not? It is all based on the story of David from the Bible....

So is fighting okay? If so, to what extent? What do you think?

Here is my take on it...but before I get to it...here is my history...

Now, I am not one who enjoys conflict. I consider myself more of a peace-maker. Growing up, you didn't talk about conflict. There never really was a conflict...it got swept up under our mountain high rug. Instead, my family did what we affectionately call..."Putting someone in the Penalty Box" Hockey enthusiasts know what I mean. If someone hadn't come around for awhile, or hadn't called, then it was probably because they were in the "box" It was a favorite saying of ours. "Oh, he's in the box!" So, unfortunately, to not be in the box, I stuffed my feelings. I never learned how to be a fighter. Now, my sister, she could use those words...she had a sharp tongue. If we ever got "into" it...I never had the last word....hers were always so good. I remember one time being so flustered with her in an argument, that I just stammered about and then yelled, "Well...Well...You NEED the LORD!" This in turn caused my mom and sister to burst out laughing. Then that became the next saying...."Well, she needs the Lord."

All joking aside, I didn't learn how to have healthy conflict. I married a man who definately knew conflict. He and his parents would just spout it all out! It made me very uncomfortable. I felt very unsafe. So after 12 years of marraige, My man and I are doing okay finally on the conflict and resolution. I can fight and stand my ground and be okay with it, And I guess Michael is glad that he can now be more vocal....cuz in the first years, I would just melt down and cry...when he started in. So there has to be a balance right?

Well, my two darlings have had a few good fights lately. I think that is okay. I think my job is to teach them how to be respectful in an argument, and then healthy ways that they can handle their valid angry feelings. Takes lots of time....in fact, Just a week ago, I had to handle them fighting.

It went down like this....Short version....I left the kids in the car in the Publix lot for 5 minutes....Lily was annoyed with Tripp....Tripp was annoying Lily by taking her flip flop....Lily hit Tripp and called him a name....Tripp hit her back with the Flip Flop....both are crying and yelling at eachother by the time I got back in the car...

How would you have handled that? Well, I immediately prayed for wisdom....decided we all needed to cool off. Everyone went to rooms. I prayed more. My deal is this. I don't EVER want to discipline the crime...I want to address the heart. If I can't get to the heart, then discipline to me is pointless. So after lots of individual talks, and Bible verses, and them each writing a heartfelt apology note, I hope that I was able to teach them how to fight. I remind them that its okay to fight...it is normal....but DISRESPECTING eachother is not. If you would not call Jesus a "poopie head" or "idiot" you shouldn't call your brother or sister that either. What I am challenged to teach them is to go to the place of anger and figure out how to deal with it. Is it really important to play with the flip flop? And, so what if he has your flip flop...do you really need it right now? Well, if he wont leave your room, you leave your room.....

You know I am so new at this. I just want to raise good leaders. I want my children to be good problem solvers. To know what conflict is and to know what conflict resolution is too. And, above all, live a life worthy of the King. Jesus said, whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me.

What do you think? I would love to hear from you?

Peace,

Shelli