redemption

I think it is so masterful and merciful of the Lord to allow us to be used even when we have our own issues we wrestle with. So many times, the enemy tries to make us believe the Lie that we can't be used for the kingdom if we are havin our own issues....I was talkin to a precious young lady this week…..I was hoping and praying to give her words of wisdom…the wisdom of the Lord, not from me, cuz there aint’ nothing wise about me. “Why in the world this sweet gal wanted to talk to me, I have no idea,” I went to sleep wonderin.

But, I do remember days when I was living off on my own, no momma, no sister, and no spiritual mentor. I remember days when my heart hurt and I felt lonely. I needed the nurture of an older (I aint saying I am old by the way) mature woman (I aint mature either) I remember times when my heart ached from a break-up and I had no one. My mom was 2 states away, and there just were no women….I remember driving one particular mom of a gal I babysat crazy. It was my senior year in college….My first love broke my heart. This poor woman would sit and listen to me go on and on. That was all I had at that point. I remember wanting to talk to others and needing others, and not having it. So….when this sweet thing called me to talk and I could hear the tears in her voice, I knew with all that was in me, that I just had to make time for it. I wanted to be the “thing” for her that I so desperately needed back then.

And, boy what a blessing it was for me. I don’t know what she got from it, but God spoke to me. In fact, as I was saying to her, things like, “You are a saint….don’t live like a sinner….be free from your guilt and learn the lesson and move on.” Condemnation is a strong thing! It isn’t from God either. I felt the Lord telling me to pay attention to these words….. MY WORDS. I about wanted to CHOKE! Nothing like havin’ to take your own vinegary medicine.

I just find it so darn ironic that I for one would be called on to help this sweet girl in her pain….when I am so messed up myself. When I have got my own stuff going on? But I said, okay, come on over, we will talk. So, Oh, Thank you Lord for that. But the other thing is this…..that the words coming from my mouth, were the very words used to minister to me in my own stuff. Funny how that works. How masterful is that!?

One thing I really wanted her to know and discover for herself was that no matter what I said to her, I am human and flawed, that she needed to take my words to the Lord and ask Him about it. If that wasn’t a gift from God, I don’t know what is. Sometimes, we hear from others about their thoughts and feelings and opinions.
I learned this week, that not everything spoken over me with “truth in love” is completely Truth. It taught me that I need to not use that phrase lightly ever again. “Truth in Love” should always be gentle. Love is gentle. NOT saying’ I am always gentle…and definitely not sayin’ I am always actin’ in love either. “Truth in Love” knows when to be gentle, knows when to be bold, and knows when to be silent and just listen and pray. I am learning a lot about that. When should I be silent and pray? When should I be gentler, and when should I be bold? I pray I will know “when to” more often.

God used this sweet thing in her pain to also minister to me..she was my angel that day ….she needed me, but I am humbled, because I think I may have needed her more. I am thankful for being used, but man did the experience meet me right where I needed it too. I am eternally grateful.

So, in this, I have become even more determined to pray for the future women in my daughter’s life. She will not always have me around…or close by. I may not be there the first time her heart gets broken. I hope I am the one to hold her in my arms and rock her in my lap, or lay next to her in the bed stroking her hair and back while she weeps. I remember Ann Chastain (my dorm RA) doing that with me. I hope it’s me. I hope I can be there with words of wisdom or with an understanding ear… NOT words of sour condemnation or legalism as I listen to her confess her “mess-ups”. This woman will be full of words of gentleness, love, and freedom. I may not be the one giving her the words of life everytime. So, I pray she will have women in her life that will have the same heart as mine. I pray that they will have the same love in their hearts for God that I do. We will be partners in raising up sweet sweet Lily Grace….