The Hole

I've been in in a little hole for about 3 weeks. Maybe more come to think of it. My hole was okay though because (like a friend of mine K.A. explained) When we are working on becoming more "whole" in our sanctification and pursuit of "holiness", often times we are leaning on our Master to fill our "holes" and empty places in our heart. We all have those empty places. My places may look different from another's places.

In the midst of my earnest prayers for some people close to me, as I began to press in to God harder and as I prayed, something happened. Well, the first thing that happened was that I got prideful. I lost humility along the way. I thought I was good. I began to see some answers....a good thing, right? Right. But there is a fine line to walk between humility and pride. I crossed it without knowing I crossed it til it was too late. I fell in the hole. I was so ashamed. Condemnation came hard and thick. For some reason, I lost confidence in my prayers. I lost courage. I compared myself to other women and didn't think I was good enough. In my self-absorption, I forgot that he really really still loves me and wants to bless me.

Sometimes, working through our stuff...it is hard. We gotta keep moving. We gotta walk it out. Don't lie down. The 23rd Psalm says, "He maketh me lie down in green pastures, he restoreth my soul......Yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...." So in my understanding, When I am in a valley, a hard time, I need to walk it on out...keep going....listen to wisdom spoken to me...apply it....read the word....walk it out...run to the Father....

When he restores me, then I can lay down and rest. Lay down on that blanket in the yard and rest. That is my rest.

The thing that encouraged me so much today was a phone call. A loved one sharing with me. It blessed me to see just how the Lord is working things out in their lives, all his orchestrating in their situations...To see just how I had been specifically praying over this "thing" and to see just how God was still working it out was overwhelming. I got that choking feeling in my throat, and tears well in my eyes as I can see this situation playing out. Just 4 days before this conversation, I am laying on my yoga mat bawling my eyes out, pleading with God. Asking Him if he wants to answer my prayers, asking him if he wants to bless me? Does he hear me?

Today, He restored my faith. Today, in a simple phone call, He showed me....He is so good. Do I still have holes? Sure, but today, He energized me for tomorrow.