THE WAYSEER MANIFESTO

All I can say is wow.

Traits shared by the greatest revolutionists?

My impulsivity is a gift?....the key to the miraculous?

I have always hated that I was impulsive...but there is a positivity to that.

I have a good friend and her motto is count to 30,

or wait 30 min

or 30 hours,

or even 30 days

before I want to impulsively do or say anything.

I agree...wish I followed that more than I do.

Sometimes, when I count to 30....maybe that was the one time I should've waited 30 minutes! It is nice to see though, that there is a positive side to being impulsive.

Being impulsive allows me to fly by the seat of my pants and be flexible.

I am moody at times....I have always hated that about me...

My moodiness is reflective of the natural pulse of life

it gives unstoppable energy when I am high, and deep soulful insight when I am low.

YES!

That is so true!

AND I see that in others.

I gives me a whole new appreciation for them....

I do see their deep soulful reflections and I see it in myself.

We are all the same! You know...cuz we are all affected by the Way!

He talks about the Way in this video and let me be clear....

Jesus is the Way!

I believe that with all my heart....

The Way takes

takes chaos and gives order,

expressed by the mind is genius,

received thru eyes is beauty,

felt thru our senses is grace,

allowed to heart is love,

Wayseers have a knack for knowing the Way

we sense it in our being...

We can't show our work, so don't ask...

our minds resonate with the Way...

when Way is present, so are we...

Present.......

To be Present......

I heard an AMAZING speaker say this recently....

"Honor the past, look to the future....LIVE in the present...."

I heard another person recently say, "the past is gone...."

That resonated with me too. Sometimes, it is very difficult for me to live in the present.

It is an entirely new way of living. This girl, who for so many years was okay living as

a victim could not let go of the past. It is hard. But to not to is to live in bitterness. I don't want to be bitter. If not for me, for my children. To live in the past is to live in regret. I want to honor it....learn from it.....move on from it. This is so much easier said than done and a training of my mind.

He said,

"90 percent of human civilization is blocked to Way

and they are hardwired to enforce social programing indoctrinated since birth....

they take social institutions and rules seriously....

society is full of games to keep minds occupied so they wont revolt...

these games cause sick fixations on power structures and taboos....

(government, legalism in church, unwritten social southern rules, social groups)

all causing bondage.....

it is tolerated and insisted on...

they want to destroy anyone who violates these rules

Wayseers call their bluff

(hopefully gently in love)

Wayseers see these social institutional games for what they are and reject the games...

(that speaks to me! Cuz I know I been guilty)

Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable

they keep contact with original source of reality

The Way"

Are you a Wayseer?

yesterday's post

Several people have felt there was anger in my blog post.....

I want to make it clear that the only anger is directed toward myself. Frustration was also directed at myself. In no way, am I upset with anyone. Generally speaking, I am frustrated with the Christian "culture" that judges, among other things....but at no one in particular......I don't apologize for anything I said. I realize it was laced with emotion....and yes, even impulsive. I do wish I wasn't so impulsive at times. That one gets me in trouble sometimes too.

Here is the deal........I want to just be.....I want to get back to the basics of loving God and the security of my relationship with him....not worrying about what others think about me. I want to live out the verses I shared. I want to be gracious, merciful, loving, humble, and

non-judgemental. That is all.

God's Will??????

Okay.....I am going on a rant....and may seem harsh here.

But this is my blog and I can write whatever I want to right?

Right. Beware now....if you are sensitive to a curse word

here or there, you may want to stop reading now.

I am so stinking sick of these phrases.....

1. "God's will for your life is........."

2. " Praying for God's will......."

3. "You are not walking in God's will...." (this one makes my stomach turn)

4. "Good Christian......"

To hear these coming out of any one's mouth makes me want to vomit.....That is mine, .....My woundings.....I confess here before every reader that I have been so guilty of it! I have said it, believed it....lectured it. I am so disgusted with myself for that. Disgusted for not trusting myself enough either...but thinking someone else would be able to tell me what to do, say, or think. That they have a direct line to God's will for me b/c I don't. (insecurity) Going from one person or thing to the next (like the ship on the sea going from wave to wave), trying to get "God's will...peace.....whatever......." My shit. I own it. My fault.

I have allowed myself to be manipulated. I, for a time, was believing that people were manipulating and controlling me.....DAMN!........no.......I was allowing it! Its just as much my fault as it is theirs...but mostly mine. WOW what a revelation!!!!

I am so angry with myself because, I (growing up as a people pleaser/performer....and saying that does not allow me to use that as a crutch or be a victim) have fallen back into the trap. The trap of talking to and listening to way too many people's opinions about what they think I should do, think, say, be.......I thought I had broken free of this....

I went up on the mountain, and I touched intimacy with God. I knew his presence in my life. I communed with him. I left changed and free and a "people pleaser" no more (among other things) I walked in more confidence, less insecurity, more love, mercy, grace, and dare I say it....yes humility......(is it humble to say that I was humble). There are two kinds of humility too.....false humility...and the real deal. I'd like to think I touched the real deal. I know I am flawed. I have fallen back into many of the things I broke free of on that mountain...and been in the valley.

People say our true character is revealed not in the great times....but in the valleys and in how we handle those valleys. I have learned a lot about pain and loss and how we handle it. I don't agree that our true character is revealed in the valleys anymore. I believe it is just that our emotions can be so overwhelmed.....and what we need to do is go to the one true source of peace....God...not others. And what does that mean? Going to God for our peace....that is for us as individuals to decide....Boy do I wish I had learned this earlier in life. It would have saved me so much heart ache. You can bet, my children will be taught this principle.

So how the hell does anyone know what God's will for MY life is? I want to scream and shout sometimes for people to focus on their own life...but in truth...I would be screaming at myself for going to them in the first place and seeking their opinions.....for allowing someone else's perceptions to shape me...to influence me in ways that really, only God should. Shit...what a concept. Allowing God to shape me instead of others? Wow....

I know I will get some flack from some readers for saying curse words. I choose to live authentically and express myself freely. I believe this too....Jesus hung with the roughest of men...and I bet they cussed here and there...and he loved them regardless...he met them right where they were...and he used them to carry out his mission to love others, and spread the good news to the lost, the sick, and the hurting.

What I have come to realize (again) and what I am embracing (now) is this......

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.....Micah 6:8

THIS! THIS! THIS is His will for ME. He wants me to be in His peace! He doesn't want me to DO anything. He wants me to BE!!!! BE just, BE merciful, BE humble, BE in Him....in his presence. (and that looks different for everyone...my being in his presence may be completely different from someone else's...lets step out of the box a little...come on!)

"Be still and know....." Psalm 46:10

"I only need to be still..." Exodus 14:14 ...

"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment." Matt 22:37-38

That is his will. If what I am doing or saying doesn't line up with that, then, well I must be out of his will.

And then...I dare propose Christians......

Who is anyone to JUDGE if I am following these?

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"..Luke 6:37

“If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world"..John 12:47....

Hell, Jesus didn't even come to judge me....he said so right there! So why should anyone else hold me in judgement???? What a ##$%^&@# concept!

I am soooo sick of the judgement!!!! Stop it! Stop it! Christians! Stop it! Christians, we are killing peoples souls...in His name! I am sure Christ grieves that in His name we do some awful things......Start loving! And if you can't love, then just shut it up and be quiet. Stop talking!

Lets get simple. I choose to love. I choose to be. I choose to see people's gold. I wish they would see mine. I am thankful for the few who have chosen to see my gold....But if they don't....then I need to be okay with that too. If they don't....then have a nice life....I don't have time for it anymore... I am not perfect. I will never claim it. I will disappoint. I will mess up. I have already. But I do have gold. It is there.

I am a righteous heir to the King....

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" 2 Corinthians 5:21

My shit is paid for already so why should I have to re-live it with anyone else's judgements? And I promise you, I won't judge any of you for your shit either.....

I think that is enough for now....stay tuned. There is definately more to come. AND......I know its been stated that I have let people down cuz "I am no longer the conservative Christian woman" I am supposed to be. Well that is not mine to carry....that is theirs... So if by me thinking outside your box bothers you.....move along......

Only a Man (or woman)

This song was sung in church last Sunday and then again last night at the Ash Wednesday Service. Every time I listen to this beautiful message, I get emotional....

"Only A Man"

I used to live my life in fear

Was worried all the time

From waking up to laying down

I had no peace of mind

The world became a darkened place

A struggle without end

Although bitter times those were

The days that I began

To understand, I was only a man

I grew up singing songs in church

With questions in my mind

Then turn my back and ran away

From God who gave me life

Then one nightHis presence fell

I wept and shook, and knelt

I fell down and cried

?Dear Jesus, rescue me again?

I understand, I'm only a man

And He said, "What will it be now

Will you choose Me

Or keep swimming

Upstream now"

"I've been inside your head, hearing you scream out

Well, here I am, just take my hand

And I'll take out all of the things

And all of the fear, all of the fear"

I'll give You my burdens

I'll gave peace

All of my desires

I'll give you what you need

And what about these chains, Lord?

I'll set you free

But they're so heavy

Lay them at my feet

I'll lay them at Your feet

Just promise You won't leave

I'll never leave

So where do I go from here, Lord

Just follow me, just follow me

I'll follow You

Just follow me

Wherever You lead, wherever You lead

Wherever You lead

tears taste different

I learned a few things about myself last night......

My tears have character:

My tears taste different according to emotion. How bout that random fact. Tears of joy, happiness, and even pain (physical) have a taste. Have you ever tasted your tears? What I realized last night, was that tears of sorrow have a completely different taste altogether. They don't taste good either....mine are extremely salty and pungent. And they are hotter!

Stress verses sadness:

I learned too that under stress....I am able to continue to function fairly well...I can perform, meet goals, and carry on. Under stress, I lose weight though, because I cannot eat. Now Sadness, is a completely different story. Sadness wants the comforts of a rich decadent chocolate treat....Sadness paralyzes....Sadness tries to snuff out the very life of me....making everyday tasks completely challenging....like laundry, working, grocery shopping. If I have been present for my children in that particular sad day, then it has been an accomplishment....as that is my number one goal everyday...to be fully present for them.

Stress presents itself in the pit of my stomach.....Sadness, right under the heart, where my ribs meet up. Heavy and pressing, sadness takes my breath away sometimes. Stress just gnaws at my stomach all day long. Stress is there, and you can just live with it......Sadness will just pop up at any given random time....it can be triggered by a thought, a song, a simple phrase spoken......

I admit to all my readers that I am a broken person now. I read something posted on fb though that did give me comfort....about the woman with the alabaster jar. I had to copy it.....

"While in Bethany,a woman came w/ an alabaster jar of ointment(perfume),very costly & precious,she broke the jar & poured over His head."Mark 14:3

She said on her post...."People are afraid of brokenness.If the outer person is broken,powerful things in you can pour out.Perfume of the Holy Spirit is in you,the jar(the flesh)has to be broken for perfume to be released.Allow God to do w/ you as He wills,knowing that everything in life changes."

I am not afraid of brokenness...I just don't like it. I wonder if all the tears are part of the release?

How He Loves - John Mark McMillan - Legendado

bringin our scraps to the table

I heard a sermon today, and one thing the speaker said, I just had to write down. He was talking about "coming to the table" and it just so happened today at the table was the Lords supper. He spoke of a church body's members at the table.....and sometimes the best meals are those made up of the broken up food, and the "scraps" Wow, I felt a bit encouraged. I am broken. I feel like just a scrap right now. But I can still contribute to a beautiful meal! I know that may not be a huge revelation to everyone. For me, It was H-U-G-E. My brokenness and my scraps are worthy to bring to His table.